I have been working in the new company for more than two months. I have not had the scenery I imagined, nor the big changes I imagined from changing the environment and starting over. Instead, I have insomnia and dreaminess. For more than two months, I lie in bed at 11 o'clock every day, without playing with my phone, and toss and turn until 2 o'clock before I feel a little sleepy. I miss the mature team in the past, and I am also hesitant about the current pioneering work. The day before yesterday, I was still thinking that when I retire, I will take a tour guide certificate, travel all over the world, take all kinds of people, listen to stories about distant places I have never been to, smile knowingly, and brag to tourists. It's so comfortable; yesterday, I was thinking again, when the pioneering work is mature, I will take the civil service exam, count sheep and paddle at work, and then open a store in my spare time to open up new land, earn some extra money, and let my life that is not surprised by praise or criticism have a few waves; today I am thinking again, how can I increase my links from 100 to the top 50 in the past 20 days, how can I choose a few more products, make more money, and go out to spend money during the National Day holiday. . .

I am a lonely person. Rational people are very unpleasant and boring. I have a yearning for the unknown, but I am determined in the present. I can release my youthful nature only after drinking, but I can't find anyone to drink with. I heard that my only opposite-sex friend in my previous company, and also my only friend, was leaving the job and going back to my hometown to make a living, so I thought about seeing her off on the day she left, explaining that this might be the last time we see each other in this life. But I was told, so what, there was no need to see her off. It turned out that we were not friends. It was a bit ridiculous.

Rational people are often sensitive deep down in their hearts, but it is difficult for others to approach them under their rational appearance. In the end, it is just a dream, and there is no place for their sensitivity. Gradually, they are unwilling to open up and speak.

This is me, indifferent on the outside, but delicate and coquettish on the inside. I wonder if this is a disease?

If I think too much, I will easily suffer from insomnia. Sometimes I also want to be like some of the team members I have led before, eat and sleep, sleep and eat, operate in a Buddhist way, take orders casually, get off work on time, not in a hurry, so comfortable, like a god. Maybe I am born to love to work hard, but I feel that I am just being pretentious.

I also hope to live the life I dream of during my lifetime: "When drunk, I don't know the sky is in the water, and the boat is full of sweet dreams that overwhelm the stars."

What I want to share with you today is --

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